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Article from ST Recruit, 12 March 2005
Your family should come first
Are you guilty of giving your loved ones only time left over from your long working hours? Your family should get priority, says a career coach
When coaching senior executives, I often pose this question to them: “What would you like to be remembered for after you have left this world?”.
I ask them to write down all the things they would like to be remembered for, and then share the list with me at one of our future sessions.
So far, I have not met a single person who has said he would like to be remembered for the long hours he put in, in his job.
This speaks volumes for where senior executives should then be focusing their priorities and time in the ensuing years of their lives, and that’s not in the office.
After the Sept 11 and the more recent tsunami disasters, people have started thinking: “Why do I work so hard? I may not be here tomorrow! I should spend more quality time with the people that truly matter to me.”
Another common thread that runs through most of my coaching assignments is the participants’ desire to attain a better work-life balance.
Senior executives tend to spend so much of their time travelling and working long hours that they give their loved ones only what’s left over from their busy schedules.
It is only after they have taken care of all work-related matters that they can spend any time with their family.
Here are some simple strategies that you can consider to increase the amount of time you have for your family.
Decide who is important to you: On a piece of paper, draw a circle. Put yourself in the centre of it. Now, think carefully. Who and what is most important to you at this point in time?
Once you have done this, it should be clear where you should be focusing your attention and spending the majority of your time on. For those people and issues that you are not already spending adequate time on, make a conscious effort to close the gaps.
Map out action steps that you can take to achieve this, and allot a time frame to each. Be careful not to set unrealistic objectives, and do not try to close too many gaps at any one time. Otherwise, you end up not being able to make much progress and frustration forces you to simply give up trying.
Take on whatever you feel you can manage; leave the remainder for later.
Review your list periodically as your priorities will surely change over time. It is useful to make this a periodic exercise that you commit yourself to.
Talk to your loved ones: What your loved ones need may not be what you assume they need. What matters is not your take on things but that of the people you are attempting to spend more quality time with.
The reality is that we do not truly know what the people we love most want. Your parents may not really want you to spend time, money and effort in taking them to the United States for a vacation.
What your parents may really want is for you to simply spend more time communicating with them. Most old folks like to feel needed. And you don’t need to spend huge amounts of money for this. Just make sure you keep aside some time for them as often as you can.
Never take your loved ones for granted: Once in a while, spend time planning a surprise for the people you care about. Again, creating surprises does not always have to mean spending a lot of money.
Simple tasks like organising a birthday party for your spouse, for example, can have a great, positive impact on your relationship and could well serve to further strengthen your marriage.
Make the most of your life, and while doing that, make sure you touch as many other lives as possible — especially family members and friends who truly love and care about you.
Article by Paul Heng, a career management professional and managing director, NeXT Career Consulting Group. He is also the founding president of the Asian Association of Career Management Professionals (www.aacmp.org.sg) This article first appeared in ST Recruit on March 12, 2005.
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