Business Times, Guess who is coming to dinner, 26 April 2011

Article from Business Times, 26 April 2011

Business Times (April 26, 2011)

COMMENTARY
Guess who is coming to dinner?

How one behaves in the office can be quite different from one's behaviour in a social setting.

By PAUL HENG

NOW that the business that you have founded is humming along nicely, and you are able to take a breather - a short holiday every two months, perhaps - to ponder over the setting of your next business milestones, one of the issues on top of your list should include talent development.

Most businesses in this world have one sole critical resource: human capital. Without people to make decisions and plan for the continued success of your business, it is very conceivable that you may one day have to either fold it up, or sell it away. For those of us who do not wish to consider the former option - which I believe would be tantamount to painfully giving up a part of our body - we have to ensure the future of the business by identifying and nurturing a pipeline of talent for the company.

Now, the first thing that you need to do is to organise a sit-down dinner party! Yep, that's right, and I have not gone bonkers yet. Let me elaborate. My coaching experience tells me, and this is validated by credible research and statistics, that effective leaders possess one thing in common: a relatively high level of emotional quotient (EQ).

What is EQ? It consists mainly of two things, one of which is a good understanding of one's own emotional make-up. What makes you experience a feeling of exhilaration, joy, sadness, etc? Why do you feel the way you feel when something happens? What will happen to make you feel like wanting to splash a cup of hot coffee at your colleague, or your boss?

What makes you want to walk over to your subordinate's desk and give him a pat on the back, and proclaim to all and sundry within hearing distance 'Thank you for the wonderful piece of                   work - it is excellent, well done!'

Well, other than psychological tools that lay claim to being able to measure one's level of EQ, another option is to observe it for yourself, Mr Founder/CEO.

Party behavior

How one behaves in the office can be quite different from one's behaviour in a social setting - probably not drastically different, but different all the same. You must have read about, or heard of CEOs taking a potential senior hire out for a meal - under the pretext of an interview - to see how he or she behaves during a meal. While dining etiquette may also be observed and assessed during such a scenario, what is even more useful, and interesting to observe is how the interviewee behaves towards others - the waiters, fellow diners, and even yourself. This is likely to give you a good indication of how that individual will behave towards his reports and colleagues.

Given the growing numbers of Gen Y in our workforce, leaders need to take cognizance of the changes and challenges facing them - increasingly, people prefer to be led rather than managed. They want a leader who is visionary and who is able to excite them towards working together as a team to achieve corporate objectives. All this boils down to one common trait: being able to understand, work and relate well with others.

Let me share an one example. While in Hong Kong recently, I had a light lunch with an acquaintance who had wanted me to share my coaching experiences. We both ordered a light meal - a pizza for myself, and a piece of cheesecake for her. When my order came, I realised (too late) that I probably needed help in finishing my food, given the size of the pizza. She politely agreed to my suggestion to eat a piece of it so that I did not end up over-eating or wasting food. That's displaying EQ - and one piece of pizza is not going to grow her waistline.

When she finished her pizza, I noticed that she did not begin eating her cheesecake which had by then arrived at our table. I then signalled to the waiter, and requested for a new set of cutlery - she had preferred this she told me later, otherwise the used fork would leave a foreign taste on her very nice and appetising-looking piece of cheesecake. She then acknowledged my being 'considerate' enough to request for the fresh set of cutlery on her behalf - EQ at work.

The other dimension of EQ is empathy - to be able to appreciate how others will potentially feel or react to your words or action, and to act accordingly so that you do not end up hurting that person's feelings, causing him to lose face, etc.

Some years ago, I visited a client in Shanghai. It was winter, and I had three layers of clothing on when I walked into the conference room - yep, that's me, extremely sensitive to low temperatures. My client noticed this and quickly got up to turn up the thermostat before the meeting began, so that I could warm up a little - that's being observant, sensitive and displaying a good dose of EQ, which I acknowledged her for. She thanked me for the compliment and said that she never thought about it that way, and it was something that she would normally do anyway. She was the human resource director of that company - I did not check, but she could well be an effective people leader.

On the flip side, I have also been witness to a CEO shouting at a waitress for being clumsy when she spilled a bowl of soup on the table cloth. Picture this, one moment the CEO was being professional and polite, and exhibiting the 'proper' behaviour of a senior-level executive, and the next second, she was raising her voice at the poor waitress who made a small, human mistake. The poor girl - probably from China, judging by her accent - was too embarrassed to say anything else besides 'sorry', and she probably felt silly and humiliated. I felt terrible for her - and so did most of the folks at that table, I learnt after dinner. The CEO had not considered the ramifications of her harsh behaviour on a fellow human being in this case, and to me, she lacked EQ.

Besides EQ, there are three other key areas that leaders, aspiring and current, would want to focus on. These are leadership skills, business skills and their level of adversity quotient (AQ).

The first two can be taught by others and learnt by leaders. AQ is something else that the professor cannot teach, and neither can it be learnt in a classroom. It has to be experienced.

Life will always have its ups and downs - this applies to even the super rich in our world. If you need an example, check out what is happening to one family in Hong Kong. It has been said that even a fresh graduate can lead a business when it is doing well - for how long before the ship sinks is another matter altogether. The litmus test for any CEO comes when the business is not doing well - how do you continue to steer the ship? Which direction should you head towards? How do you utilise the different skills set of your crew members?

No previous case study

We do not have to look too far back into history for an example - the most recent leadership litmus test came when the entire financial world collapsed, caused primarily by the banking and financial services sector in the US. A lot of leaders then realised that there was no previous case study to follow, and neither did their prior experience helped much. Needless to say, the ones who did not have a high level of AQ are no longer helming companies. One recent example: the case of the CEO of a famous British-owned petroleum company, who did not react appropriately to a major, catastrophic even, man-made disaster.

AQ attempts to measure how well one bounces back when facing life's many adversities - the higher your level of AQ, the sooner and stronger you bounce back. Why can this not be learnt? Because not all adversities are similar - it will be a different experience each time. To enhance one's level of AQ, leaders have to experience other adversities, hopefully not too serious ones, and to be able to filter through and learn from each so as to be better equipped to handle future ones.

To summarise, management leaders in your company need to focus on the four pillars of effective leadership: EQ, AQ, leadership and business skills. Like a sturdy chair, you will then be able to withstand whatever weight (challenges) that you will face in the future. And yes, and if you have not already done so, start compiling a list of potential leaders in your company for your sit-down dinner party!

By the way, inching your car forward a little so that the vehicle behind you is not caught in the yellow box also counts as having EQ. I have probably a thing or two to share when it comes to Singaporean drivers, but that would be another topic for another article, another time.

Paul Heng is founder and executive coach of NeXT Corporate Coaching Services